Dear Deborah,
I’m the founder and CEO of a nonprofit in the pet care industry. And I feel like I never have enough hours in my day!
My main time-waster is conversations with people who want to give me advice about things I already know or my organization has already tried. Their advice runs the gamut from fundraising, to getting publicity, to what new issues we should tackle. There are also people who just want to talk with me because they’re excited about our work, but they don’t really have anything to say.
I try to be polite with everyone, but often find myself acting impatient and curt. And I don’t like that. But I also don’t know how to get them to stop with the useless conversations! Some of these people are important to our organization’s survival, because they are major donors. Others just seem to have a lot of time on their hands and are eager to “give back.”
They’re all good and well-meaning people, who are passionate about our cause. And I know I need to change my behavior with them. I’m just not sure how to do that.
– Starved for Time
Dear Starved for Time,
It sucks to feel like you’re wasting your time with conversations you don’t want to have. But it’s great that there’s so many people who care about the success of your organization.
You know, you already have a jumpstart on solving your problem! Being aware of your unwanted behavior is what gives you the power to start changing things.
I want to begin by sharing some suggestions for how you can work with your unwanted behavior. Then, I’ll give you some practical ideas for better protecting your time, as well as for redirecting the good will of the advice-givers, and people who want to “give back,” towards something more valuable to you and your organization.
First of all, here’s what can happen to anyone in an uncomfortable situation: The situation can trigger unwanted defensive behavior! For you personally, your defensive behavior shows up during the undesired conversations when you try to mask your true feelings by being polite, or you get impatient and curt.
Here’s what you can do if you notice defensive behavior starting: Short-circuit it! This can be as simple as doing some Box Breathing, to help calm your nervous system and focus your mind. This may quell your impatience, so you don’t have the impulse to react curtly. It can also make it much easier to listen and speak thoughtfully, which is especially valuable when you’re ready to set new boundaries around how you spend your time.
Here are some ideas for how to set boundaries to protect your time:
- Determine which conversations are a high priority for you to have.
- Plan specific limited times for these high-priority conversations in your calendar.
- Before each conversation, do some Box Breathing to help prepare you.
To keep the conversations on desirable topics:
- Determine and prioritize your organizational focus for each month, quarter, etc.
- Plan for your current organizational focus to be the key topic of discussion.
- Tactfully advise advice-givers you don’t have bandwidth to stray from your org focus.
If someone gives you advice on something that was already tried unsuccessfully:
- Acknowledge the generosity and expertise that underlies their desire to help.
- Kindly let them know you already tried their “great idea” and why it didn’t work.
- Optionally engage them to take action on their idea ( e.g., providing contacts, etc.)
For people you don’t speak with directly, who you still want a good relationship with:
- Have periodic events they can attend: Fundraising parties, volunteer workdays, or a regular online coffee chat for invited supporters all can fill the bill.
- Share your thoughts, progress and success stories with them en masse: Send out a newsletter, have someone from your org stay active on social media, and so on.
- Give them a personal “point of contact”: Make sure they have a special person at your organization (even a volunteer), who gets to know and appreciate them.
Remember, as the leader of your organization: You can help everyone who supports your work to feel included and valued. And you can do this while respecting your own time constraints and treating others in a way that you feel good about.
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