Leaders, be aware of your kryptonite

Just like Superman, leaders can have their superpowers dramatically weakened by their kryptonite. This includes leaders in the veterinary profession.

As you’re likely aware, leaders’ “superpowers” can be things like staying calm in crises or instilling confidence in team members. In the case of veterinarians, superpowers can also include things like making laser-sharp diagnoses or swift, accurate triaging.

In trainings, I often use the term kryptonite as a fun, memorable way to refer to our underlying fears that may weaken our ability to be strong leaders.

When kryptonite is activated

Typically, our kryptonite becomes activated by a triggering event. This event is a real-world situation that throws us off-center and sends us into the (often unconscious) realm of our underlying fears.

See if any of the examples below sound like a situation that may trigger you or someone else you know.

Examples of triggering events

• A client asks to speak to a more senior staff member
• Somebody questions your diagnosis or treatment plan
• Need to perform a procedure that’s new to you
• Not feeling respected for your level of expertise or authority
• Facing a problem that you’d rather not deal with
• Feeling that someone personally dislikes you

Once a triggering event is experienced, our kryptonite can become activated. If we aren’t already aware this is happening, signs that our underlying fear has been activated will appear as defensive behaviors. Simply put, “defensive behaviors” come up to try and protect us when a person, thought or situation makes us feel anxious or uncomfortable.

Examples of defensive behaviors

• Hunger for constant attention or validation
• Doubting our own competence, despite evidence we’re very competent
• Needing to dominate conversations and be a know-it-all
• Mind going blank when in a stressful situation
• Side-stepping dealing with issues
• People-pleasing and ignoring our own needs or beliefs

Managing defensive behavior

You can manage your defensive behavior whenever it occurs: Whether or not you immediately know why you have defensive behavior, you can still short-circuit the defensive behavior. This will clear your mind to deal with the situation at hand in a calmer, more focused way.

To short-circuit defensive behavior: One of the simplest and most effective techniques is to do some Box Breathing, or another type of breathing that calms your nervous system and focuses your mind. If possible, you can also take a break from the triggering situation, to gain perspective on what is happening for you, internally and externally.

Here’s an example of using calming breathing to short-circuit defensive behavior:

• Triggering event: A staff veterinarian starts sharing his diagnosis and treatment plan for a client’s dog, and the client asks to speak with a more senior doctor.
• Defensive behavior: The vet is triggered by this situation and his mind starts racing. He worries if a detail of his diagnosis may be off or if he’s not communicating well. And he feels his palms getting sweaty.
• Short-circuiting defensive behavior: He realizes he’s getting defensive, and does some Box Breathing, which short-circuits his defensive response and helps him to become calm and focused. Feeling more comfortable, he asks the client why she wants to speak with a more senior doctor.
• Outcome: He learns the client wants to consult with someone who’s very knowledgeable about her dog’s condition. The vet explains that he actually specializes in treatment of this type of condition. Ultimately, the client gets all her questions answered by him, and she no longer feels the need to speak with another doctor.

In this example, the veterinarian went from experiencing a triggering event, to noticing his defensive reaction, to short-circuiting his defensive behavior with Box Breathing. This enabled him to focus on addressing the situation at hand: providing information about the dog’s diagnosis and treatment plan, information that the dog’s owner could feel confident trusting.

Disempowering your kryptonite

In addition to being able to short-circuit your defensive behavior, you can also disempower your personal kryptonite by being more aware of its source.

Kryptonite, or underlying fears, typically are related to one of the three basic human fears we talk about in the training world:

The 3 Basic Human Fears

1. The fear of not being valued
2. The fear of not being competent
3. The fear of not being liked

To disempower your kryptonite through awareness: Think about a situation where you became unsure in your leadership role–-not knowing what to do in a situation that triggered you, or questioning if you did the right thing. Then ask yourself what it was that triggered you and threw you off center. Was it:

1. Fear of not being valued?
2. Fear of not being competent?
3. Fear of not being liked?

If you can identify the fear that was at play, you can process through the fear and how you’ll address it when it comes up in the future. Here’s an example of how this may work, using the veterinarian’s situation that we just looked at:

• Remembering the triggering event: The vet remembers when he was sharing the diagnosis and treatment plan for a client’s dog, when the client asked to speak with a “more senior doctor.”
• Knowing his superpower: The vet is widely known for his laser-sharp diagnostic skills, particularly in his area of specialization. This is his superpower. He’s also known to be very clear with his diagnoses, including always accounting for any unknowns, variables and the margin for error.
• Determining his kryptonite: On reflection, the vet realizes that when the client asked to speak with a more senior doctor, it brought up his fear of not being competent. Both the vet’s defensive behavior (i.e., his mind racing and his self-questioning) and his physiological reaction (i.e., his sweating palms) sprung from his fear and not the reality of the situation.
• Disempowering his kryptonite: Knowing his kryptonite, the fear of not being competent, he’s staying aware for situations that appear to question his competence. Going forward, when such situations occur, he can internally reassure himself of his competence. He’s also ready to short-circuit any defensive behavior resulting from a triggering event. In this way, he can avoid his kryptonite inhibiting his superpower, and not spin into unnecessary self-questioning and worry.

Applying your learnings & discoveries

If you’d like to apply what you learned from this article, and what you discover about yourself, take some time to make note of:

• Your superpower/s
• Your kryptonite (the underlying fear that can weaken your superpower/s)
• Your plan for dealing with your kryptonite and related defensive behaviors

Writing down these things can help you to think through and remember the information. It also provides you with a reference to use when reflecting on or dealing with triggering events.

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